Aquarius

21 Jan - 19 Feb

As summer approaches, boiled sweets need to be accounted for.  A lost boiled sweet will not be so welcome if found at the end of August.

Pisces

20 Feb - 20 Mar

A thick skin will be needed later this week when the names you are affectionately known by are accompanied by four letter words.  Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt.  Just ask a libel lawyer, (but remember to pay in advance).

Aries

21 Mar - 20 April

If you have a car, compare it to your home.  If your car is spotless and your home is a pigsty, have you got your priorities right?  In fact pigs are very clean animals, so a filthy house means you are sub-pig level.  Mind you, locking two pigs in a car with a tray of cream puffs would even things up.

Taurus

21 April - 20 May

     Clairvoyant Catrina says you may be looking for a big new job but it’s time to chill out, and slink off out of the limelight with your tail in the air.  Wolfie has left a horrible mess behind at the World Bank, and the Supreme Leader of the Planet job has not yet been advertised.

Gemini

22 May - 21 Jun

Be bold this weekend. He who hesitates is… going to arrive a bit later. 

The bold person sets the agenda.   Of course, if you need an agenda at the weekend, you need to get out more.    

Cancer

22 Jun- 22 July

A message of love could arrive on gentle wings when Mercury joins Venus as midnight tolls on Monday.  It is inadvisable to stand around waiting for little messages on wings if the messengers are nesting overhead.

Leo

23 Jul - 23 Aug

Last week’s horoscope suggested a small flutter would bring a little happiness. Putting your entire credit card maximum on Cyberpunter.mug  was not what she had in mind.  Internet gambling is a pernicious phenomenon, which is illegal in the America.  Anyway it’s much less fun than the authentic experience of feeling the turf beneath your feet as you tear up your betting slip.

Virgo

24 Aug - 23 Sept

The Mystic Mog has been looking at Eastern wisdom, and the writings of the feline sage Chairman Miao.  Your beansprouts may be stringy, but the early beetle will climb the dunghill.  Unless it gets drowned by a new reservoir.

Libra

24 Sept - 23 Oct

A change of hairstyle may be called for.  This can do great things for inner happiness, and if combined with a daring choice of headgear, will provide enjoyment to many others as well.

Scorpio

24 Oct - 22 Nov

A good week for armchair sport.  It’s amazing what you can find down the sides of sofas, and while you surf 87 channels of thrilling highlights from velodromes to all weather tiddly wink arenas, puss will have a prime snoozing platform.

Sagittarius

23 Nov - 21 Dec

So you bought a standby ticket to Tierra del Fuego because last week the Mystic Mog said “any minute” the star Eta Carinae would explode as a Supernova, only visible South of the Equator.  And it didn’t. And it is winter in the Southern Hemisphere and rained all week.

First, Clairvoyant Catrina says Tierra del Fuego is very interesting at any time of year. Penguins aren’t fair weather creatures, after all.  Secondly do you understand English? “Any minute” seems pretty self-explanatory to her.  Three minutes past midnight on May 24th 2017 for example.

Capricorn

22 Dec - 20 Jan

Look in the mirror and accept what faces you.  There is no shame in preferring the adverts to the programmes, or preferring the blurb on the cereal packet to Proust.  Clairvoyant Catrina herself sometimes takes time off star gazing for light reading. Cat biscuit sacks are her favourite, especially the ones that tear at the back.