“What can you do in Edinburgh for under a fiver?” I asked my Scottish friends.
I was immediately regaled with a long list of all the back entrances and secret passageways to the major sporting venues in town.

OK, so what can you do legally for under a fiver?

The suggestions that follow are some of my favourites. For various illegal means of entry to Edinburgh’s attractions, ask a man in a pub!

Museum of Scotland

Many of Edinburgh’s best museums and art galleries are free. Billed as two museums but really only one (The Museum Of Scotland is a beautiful modern sandstone extension to the Royal Museum ) this has a great variety of exhibits – from the purely Scottish stuff, to natural history, geology and Islamic Art.

Make sure you go into the Royal Museum’s main atrium. Airy and bright, with outsize fish mooching around in ponds, this is also home to the unmissable Millenium Clock. Disappointely not running continuously in order to “save the mechanism”, it sports feindish moving figures and a mirrored pendulum and is put through its paces at 11.00 a.m., midday, 2.00 p.m. & 4.00 p.m. daily. The atrium has free activities for kids during the school holidays.

Greyfriars Bobby

If you are in sentimental mood, you might like to visit Greyfriars Kirk and the Statue to Greyfriars Bobby, opposite the Museum of Scotland. This is the weepy story of the wee doggy in serious need of a pet behaviour cousellor, who spent 14 years lying on the grave of his ex-master. The people of the City of Edinburgh were so taken with this tale of canine devotion that they gave “Greyfriars Bobby” the Freedom of the City – which was a entirely free Feel Good Gesture, as the dog never left the church yard!

Scottish National Gallery of Modern Art

If you thought that modern art was all “conceptual bullshit”  competing for the Turner Prize, then think again. Imaginative use of light, materials and colour is the dominant theme The Scottish National Gallery of Modern Art.  This gallery attracts your attention with a striking piece of landscape art even before you get inside. The entrance is dominated by a grassy mound in a fluid spiral, embacing a pond, which is graced by a pair of swans (They are not official, they’ve just taken a fancy to it!). Other landscape art exhibits are dotted about the pleasant grounds.

The indoor exhibits range from the witty, to the gob-smackingly beautiful, to the thought-provoking. For me, one of the most interesting pieces is the one which domiates the main staircase. Random Names is an exercise for you to try at home. This exhibit consists simply of a list of names of all the people the artist could remember ever having met, amounting to 1,440 people. If you do this yourself, it’s a fascinating exploration into the nature of memory. When I tried it (and you must supply both first name and surname), the first thing I noticed was that I could picture the faces of friends from long ago but not necessarily remember their surnames. I had absolutely no problem, however, in recalling the full names of people who had really irritated me!

Royal Mile

The area around the Royal Mile is the centre of the Old Town of Edinburgh, where you can while away an hour or so exploring the Mediaeval passageways, and Scottish Baronial architecture. Make sure you visit The Tron Kirk, which now contains a visitor centre. (Avoid temptation by one of the entertaining Underground Ghost Tours, (from £6.50) if you want to remain within your £5 budget). Instead look around the free exhibition, which covers the history of the Old Town. The floor of the church itself has been excavated, showing the Mediaeval street below, complete with houses and drainage systems.

Old College, the oldest part of Edinburgh University on North Bridge is worth a quick visit. Inside the large oval quadrangle is a pleasant example of Neoclassical architecture – Doric and Corinthian columns but, above the main entrance, instead of the usual friezes there is an unmistakable row of carved skulls. I think they’re cows’; others reckon they’re sheep, or maybe buffalo. Was the architect trying to make a point on the nature of mortality or is it evidence of the biggest barbecue in history?

You could now choose to blow your fiver all in one go and visit The College of Surgeons’ exhibition on the History of Surgery (Surgeons Hall on Nicolson Street). This excellent exhibition covers the history of medical practice and dentistry over 500 years but is only for those with a strong stomach. The museum is staffed by volunteers – all either surgeons or anaesthetists - who can answer all your questions about the exhibits, probably in greater detail than you want to hear.

In George Square gardens, in the heart of the University, you will find the Edinburgh Labyrinth. If you habitually pace when you’re hyped up, this is the place for you. Set into the ground with stone cobbles, the labyrinth is ideally suited to spiritual contemplation. The route takes you to the centre and out again, which covers each twist of the geometric pattern. To walk the full thing takes about ten minutes; any faster than this and you haven’t unwound properly, or worse - you cheated.

Bargain Refreshments

If your five pounds is still unspent, you’re probably in urgent need of refreshment.  Scattered around the city centre are Police Box coffee bars. George Square Police Box is in clear view as you try to clear your mind as you meander round the Labyrinth. Here you can get a bagel for £1.99 or a ½ bagel and soup for £2.30.

Most Police Boxes have seats but they’re outdoors.  For a tasty inside snack if the weather takes damp turn, try Mediterranean Gate on George IV Bridge – Falafels £2.50, Kebabs £3.00.  For the cheapest good cup of coffee in town, go to the Aroma Coffee Bar on South Bridge – espresso £1.00, Americano £1.30.

Have a caricature done

On the Royal Mile throughout the summer you can find caricaturist, Sean Curran. Sean “paints for tips” and can do a wicked caricature in about 5 mins.(see above) You pay what you think it’s worth. Sean pulls quite a crowd – so be warned – if you’re the sitter be prepared to have people laugh as they see your portrait unfold!

The Scottish Parliament

Every Scot seems to have views on the  Scottish Parliament  not least on the whopping £300 million overspend on the building itself. Add to that the recent drama of an oak beam coming detached and swinging around over the MSPs’ heads and its detractors have plenty of ammunition. On the other hand, the building has its admirers too – it’s modern and it’s daring. It also uses 21st Century vote-at-the-touch-of-a-button technology, a far cry from its Westminster counterpart that still has MPs jostling through doors for a head count.

Like it, loathe it or as yet undecided, you can visit the building or watch democracy in action on business days. Entry is free. A visit with a guide, who can explain the full workings of the Parliament is £3.50.

Not surprisingly, security is tight with airline-style bag searches, so be careful not to have anything inappropriate with you.

Full details on opening times and hours of business can be found at:

http://www.scottish.parliament.uk/vli/visitingHolyrood/index.htm

Escape the City

If all the hot air in the Scottish Parliament has got too much for you or for an instant get-away from the urban bustle, try a climb to the top of Arthur’s Seat, the core of an ancient volcano, which dominates the city and overlooks the Parliament building. This is a proper walk, so make sure you are wearing good shoes. You will be rewarded by panoramic views of the city and the Firth of Forth. Make sure you also get to see Samson’s ribs, the dramatic basaltic columns at the foot of the Salisbury crags. To appreciate the fascinating geology of this area, get the free leaflet from the Tourist Information Centre on Princes Street, which tells you what you are looking at as you pause, gasping, half way up.

And finally..if you’re totally exhausted and in need of a quiet sit down in a darkened room…get your eyes tested! Free in Scotland, eyes tests are very thorough, plus you get to see natty wide-screen images of your own eye ball. What more could anyone desire?