A few years ago a group of us punted from Oxford to Cambridge in aid of charity. A total of 260 miles along canals and rivers and the odd tidal bit.  When we got to Cambridge, at the end of our two week odyssey, we rather expected a few Well Dones! Congratulationses! Gosh you are clevers!

The locals took one look at us and said, “You’re punting from the wrong end!”

You’re punting from the wrong end:

It's the standard Cambridge versus Oxford, Oxford versus Cambridge wise crack. So, which is the right end of a punt?

In fact, there isn’t a right end as such. Oxford and Cambridge punts are slightly different in design. Cambridge punts have a “deck” a small raised platform at one end on which the punter stands. Oxford punts, too, have a deck, either just at the front or at both ends but it is much smaller and is just to keep the splashes out of the boat. In Oxford you stand IN the punt to power it, for the simple reason that the bridges in Oxford are much lower than the ones in Cambridge and anyone fool enough to stand on the deck is likely to get a sharp klonk on the head. Incidentally, they also punt in Henley and in Christ Church in New Zeland but I don't know anything about the bridges there.

Whether you are on the deck on in the punt, the basic technique of powering and steering the boat is the same.

First the urban myth:

We have all seen cartoons of the hapless punter who hangs onto his pole for too long. The boat moves on, leaving him stranded mid stream like a monkey on a stick.

Myth.

If you hang onto the pole for too long and the boat moves on, you won’t stay there. The pole will not support your weight and you will plop straight into the river.

It happens. You have been warned.

If you feel yourself losing control of the pole: let go. All punts come equipped with a paddle and it’s a much drier option to paddle the punt back to the pole than for the punter to doggy paddle back to the boat.

These instructions are for right handed people. If you are left handed you will probably find it easier to stand facing the other way.

Some wooden punt poles have a metal end. This is not decoration, it stops your pole being mashed by stones on the river bed. If it has a metal end, that’s the end that goes in the water. Metal poles too have a knobbly bit at the end. Ditto, this isn't decoration - shove that end in the water.

1. Stand at one end of the punt (on the deck if you are in Cambridge) with your feet comfortably apart so you can balance, facing right and slightly forward.

2. Grasp the pole with your hands about 75cm apart. Your left hand will be at the higher end.

3. Pass the pole from hand the hand until you are holding it about ½ way down. If you feel the pole going off balance to your left you’ve gone a bit far.

4. Raise the pole to an almost vertical position (but tilting slightly forward)  using your right hand to take the weight and your left hand as a guide.

5. Drop the pole into the water, letting it run through your hands.

6. Grasp the pole, keeping your hands about 45cm apart.

7. Use the power of your legs to push the punt through the water. Push from your left leg, bending your right leg at the knee.

8. At the end of the stroke use your wrists to give the pole a sharp twist. This will release it if it has got stuck in the mud at the bottom of the river.

9. Steering – this is the moment where you can control where you are going: Let the pole float up at the back of the punt. While the punt is still moving, with your hands down and about 75cm apart, move the pole right or left in the water, like a rudder to control the direction of the boat. Practise this a few times to get the feel of how the punt moves as you steer with the pole.

Really expert punters can do all of the above in a single movement, so you may not see everyone steering like this. But the main thing you will see is a load of plonkers who have hired a boat with absolutely no idea how to punt, stranded in the middle of the river. Follow these instructions and you can feel very superior as you glide elegantly past.