The bride arrives at the church in a flutter of white. She pauses at the entrance expecting the organ to break into a joyous march. The congregation turn round to look at her. Silence. The groom fidgets. Still nothing. There is a long pause. Then the bride makes a decision and walks down the isle without musical accompaniment. She and the groom stand before the altar. Something is missing: The vicar. 
There is a hurried consultation between bride, groom and best man. Then the best man disappears at a sprint. The congregation sits down and starts to chat. After about half an hour, a slightly flustered vicar appears, followed by the organist. The vicar disappears into the sacristy for a quick change. Then the organist breaks into a noisy rendition of Here Comes the Bride – Here Comes the Vicar would have been more appropriate.
A weeding is such a big event in anyone’s life that something is almost bound to go wrong. In fact, it is probably best to decide right from the start that something will go wrong but that it doesn’t matter. We asked doNOWdo readers for their wedding horror stories.
“We got married straight out of university,” says Anna. “We’d gone for a buffet so that all out friend could mix and chat but the caterers had no idea just how much people in their early twenties can eat. The rush for the food was like the start of the London Marathon. Our friends descended on the food like a cloud of locusts and 15 minutes later when Alex and I had escaped from the photographer, there was nothing left. Luckily, the caterers had kept us back a plate full each. I’d just been given mine when someone asked to take a photo. I put my plate down on the ground, turned, smiled at the camera and turned back to find that a couple of toddlers had made a bee-line for the food and were smearing my wedding meal over each other. The whole event was a hungry experience.”
“I was bridesmaid to my cousin,” recounts Judith. “Being a bridesmaid is a chance to dress up and have fun. I didn’t reckon on playing doctors and nurses. Barbara had been planning the wedding for months. Everything was going to be just perfect. She got through the church service OK but by the reception, the excitement had all got too much for her. She spent the reception throwing up in the ladies. And I spent the reception holding her hair out of the way of the vomit!”
Of course, one of the biggest problems at any wedding is trying to keep all the difficult relations happy. Margaret and Paul had a crotchety relative who was a determined tea totaller. Anxious not to offend, they decided to keep alcohol to the minimum by offering orange juice or tea at the reception, keeping the bubbly just for the toasts. Probably they offended the crotchety relative anyway. Certainly the boozers amongst the guests were none too happy. “Lovely day for it,” I remarked to one. “Yes, it’s VERY DRY isn’t it” he replied significantly.
One of the best weddings I have been to was an old school friend. Determined to do things differently, she had decided to play the event down. A simple registry office ceremony was followed by….pie and chips at the local pub. Brilliant fun!
Maria and Stephen had the same idea. “We’re trying to buy our first flat,” they explain. “We just couldn’t afford a wedding with all the trimmings. Wedding stationery alone would have cost us several hundred pounds. So, we sent out all the invitations by email and then organised a massive beach party for the reception.”
The most important thing about a wedding is to have fun, which you won’t have if you are worrying about every little detail. So relax, enjoy it and remember, this is YOUR day.
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